Read the first chapter of Not Like the Other Parents by Asia Mackay

The darkly funny and relatable novel about everyone’s favourite serial killer couple – from the author of A Serial Killer’s Guide to Marriage.

Fox and Hazel’s to-do list:

Homework✔️

Housework✔️

Homicide❓

Fox and Hazel just want a normal life: two kids, a beautiful house, and the occasional date night murdering people who deserve it. Yet having it all is hard when you want to kill bad men but raise good kids.

With a school mum tyrant on Hazel’s case – and a botched kill leaving Fox with serious performance anxiety – their midlife crisis is spiralling. Therapy isn’t helping, and bullet journaling has taken on a whole new meaning.

But when the couple accidentally draw a deadly mobster to their doorstep, they must pull it together – and fast. Because surviving suburbia is no longer just a challenge.

Now it’s a real fight for their family’s lives.

And it turns out, having it all starts with staying alive…

Start reading Chapter One now

Haze

‘The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round.’

The song had been playing on repeat for the last half hour. Fox turned off the engine and it went blissfully quiet. We were parked inside an empty petrol station forecourt off the A329. It was 12.27am on a rainy Tuesday night and sensible people were tucked up at home.

‘I’m telling you this is crazy.’ Fox shook his head.

‘We have to do this.’

He gripped the steering wheel. ‘It’s just a poo.’

‘It’s a poonami. Look at him!’

Fox turned round and glanced at our four-month-old son, who was strapped into his car seat and staring at us wide-eyed. A tell-tale brown stain darkened the whole front of his white Baby-gro. If it was like that at the front, I shuddered to think how annihilated the back was going to be.

‘He seems fi ne with it.’

‘He is now, but how long for? What if he kicks off when we’re right in the middle of it?’

‘There must be a spare nappy in there?’ Fox gestured to the black holdall by my feet.

I rifled through it. A large knife, duct tape, a blowtorch, three screwdrivers of varying sizes, a roll of bin bags.

‘It’s only an hour round trip; I didn’t think he’d need one.’ I briefly considered fashioning something together out of a bin bag and duct tape.

‘This is your fault for trying to multitask.’ Fox put on an annoyingly good English accent. ‘He loves the car. He’ll settle in the car.’

‘He was screaming when we dropped Bibi at Jenny’s. I couldn’t ask her to look after him like that.’

‘I think she, of anyone, would’ve understood.’

‘I can be in and out of there in five minutes. Eight, tops.’

Fox sighed and looked around the empty forecourt. ‘Okay. Do it. I’ll try and fix it tomorrow.’

I paused with my hand on the car door handle. ‘Tomorrow? Shouldn’t you fix it tonight?’

‘As it is, we’ll be lucky to be in bed by 2am. And we’ll get maybe an hour and half before he kicks off again. You seriously—’

‘I just thought, if you were being so paranoid, you’d want to fix it as soon as possible.’

Fox rubbed his right eye. ‘I do. I just… I don’t think I can. I’m so tired I can barely see straight.’

I took a breath. ‘We always knew this was going to be tough…’

‘… But it’s worth it.’ Fox finished what had been our mantra for the last few months. He reached over and squeezed my hand. I squeezed back and got out of the car. I caught a glimpse of myself in the wing mirror and winced. My hair was piled up on my head in a knotty mum bun and I had panda eyes from where my mascara had smudged. I’d pulled on Fox’s old hoodie as we were leaving the house, and could now see it had a large spit-up stain on the right shoulder.

I unstrapped Reggie from his car seat while breathing only through my mouth and held him in my outstretched arms as I walked briskly towards the petrol station shop.

Fox

It was going to be fine. I was overreacting. It was a small detour. The chances of anyone noticing us, anyone even interacting with us, were tiny. A one per cent chance.

I looked out as a white car pulled into the forecourt. I blinked several times. I was getting myself so worked up I was clearly hallucinating, because that car looked like it had blue and yellow checks along the side of it. And blue lights on top. I blinked again. The word ‘POLICE’ was printed across the bonnet. It was there. Definitely.

 Okay, calm. Think calm thoughts.

I tried to ignore my rising heart rate. We were just a normal couple. Out for a drive at midnight. With a baby.

The police car parked right next to us. Would a normal man with nothing to hide turn and look at it? My mind wasn’t working properly. I just kept staring straight ahead. Out the corner of my eye, I saw two police officers get out of the car. I gripped the steering wheel. Was I about to get a knock on the window? What could they know?

They hovered. I could feel them standing there looking at me. I leaned over and twiddled with the radio. When I sat back upright, both men were walking towards the petrol station shop.

Haze’s mobile was still in the car. It didn’t matter. She would see them soon enough.